can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
