is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
