Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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