I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
