Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
