Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
