Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
