Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i love accidental penises.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
