I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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