You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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