She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
