He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
