I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
