Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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