I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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