Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
