Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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