from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
