the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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