my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
