I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
