its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
