you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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