Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
