wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
