so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
