WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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