I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How's work?
Spinning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
