i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
