Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
