Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
