omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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