I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
