You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
