i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
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I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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