my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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