Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
