when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
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I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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