Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
