Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
