This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
