Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
