So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
