Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
