hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
