I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
