We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
not ubering you a puppy
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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