So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
