its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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