you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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