Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
