You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
