I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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