worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
