Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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