Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
