Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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