I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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