Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
