I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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