she woke up with a sticky ear
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
